Why do we fall into judgement when all we want to feel is love?
The Judgement Trap:
It seems that this year was an up close and personal experiment on understanding the nature of judgement. I have always tended to be a much harsher judge of myself than of others, which might seem less offensive in some ways, but there is a very tricky caveat that happens with self-judgement: If you are in judgement of yourself, you tend to feel more judged by others and, in the end, you also become more judgmental of others.
In this hands on experiment called life, I have come to the conclusion that if we are able to release self-judgement completely then our judgement of others with also cease. I find that when I am at peace with myself, I have let go of my false identities, and I feel unconditional love for who I AM (the perfect divine essence that is the true me); the need or desire to judge others, or even make comparisons, magically melts away.
If I am sitting in self-love and self-acceptance I no longer depend on others to validate or accept me and therefore no longer take their opinions personally. Wonderfully, when I approve of myself, all I see is approval reflected back to me by others. Therefore, when I am feeling judged or if I am in judgement of another, I know that it is time to look inward to uncover the self-judgement that is waiting to be released. Miraculously, when I release the need to judge myself I am no longer traumatized by (or validated by) the myriad perceptions and opinions of me that abound. Talk about freedom!
Moving Into Love:
Once we move beyond the judgement trap we are now perfectly poised to start to experience and experiment with LOVE. More specifically unconditional love of SELF, and then of OTHERS. I find that we often censor our love. We monitor and control how much love we let out and allow ourselves to express to others. We do this for many reasons, mostly out of fear of how the other person will respond. We may fear that we love the other person more than they love us. We are also often afraid that they may respond to our love in a way that we had not intended. We may love them as a friend while they love us as a lover.
The truth is that it matters not whether others receive, reject or misinterpret our love. We love because the very act of loving opens us to our truest nature. It allows us to live in accordance with our higher selves, as emissaries of love and light for all of humanity. As we shine the light of love upon others, OUR world brightens. WE PERSONALLY benefit from the love that we pour out into the world.
What does it mean to love unconditionally? This is when our self love is so deep, so authentic and rich that love starts to ooze from our very being. It seeps out of our cells and touches all who we encounter. We love freely and openly because it feels so good and right and pure. We love with abundance in our heart, as opposed to loving with the need to be loved in return. We discover that our ability to love grows as our self-judgement (and yes, self-loathing) softens. In more positive terms, it could be said that our love of others and our world grow in proportion to our self-love.
As the Yoga Sutras explain: We reach for this level of consciousness, INFINITE LOVE, so that we can ultimately run out and heal the world. What this means is that we are here in this human form to learn to love ourselves so completely that we feel inspired to run out and love the world. For to love is to heal and to find healing is to have found love.
Often, even when our awareness has grown, we struggle to find tools that will help us move our lives in a new direction in very practical ways. So, as you work to let go of judgement and move into love, here are a few gentle suggestions of how you can start to create enough internal space to allow changes to emerge while practicing self-care.
With so much love and gratitude,
Tawa Ranes has a very curious mind and has always been interested in the nature of consciousness and the workings of the Universe. Since healing has been a big part of her own personal journey, much of her curiosity focuses on understanding how and why healing occurs or fails to take place.