I feel profoundly blessed that I am not currently experiencing the relationship paradigm I will discuss here. Although I am not experiencing this dysfunction in my own life, I am quite familiar with it, and the topic has been nagging me for months, asking me to address it. I have watched the dynamic play out in the lives of many of my clients and loved ones, in particular, my male clients and loved ones. Currently, a large percentage of the men I encounter are living out the victim archetype (assuming the role of victim) in their intimate relationships. I have, of course, repeatedly observed (and in the past fallen victim to) the male as aggressor/ female as victim archetypes. Much of it manifested in its original form: the female in the relationship as the victim and the male as the aggressor. However, more recent observations have reminded me of the importance of looking at this social paradigm in its entirety and myriad manifestations. These observations have very firmly reminded me that I have also observed the other manifestations of this archetypal relationship dysfunction. I have seen males as aggressors toward younger, smaller or more vulnerable males and females. And I have seen females as aggressors victimizing males and females who are younger, smaller or more vulnerable.
The specific dynamic I have repeatedly observed in the last year has been of women victimizing their child/ children, their male partner, or their ex-partner (male). This victimization or abuse is predominately emotional in nature, but in some cases has also taken physical form. I think it would be easy to simply label this as a role reversal, since historically it is the man who is the perpetrator of this sort of behavior. And it is a reversal of roles, however I believe it is far more complex than that. It is important to explore those complexities because reversing the roles only adds more dysfunction to the already broken (sick) system.
This is a conversation we desperately need to have. Probably over and over again, because the dynamic has become so tightly woven into the fabric of society that we either don’t see it anymore or we believe it is the only way things can be. The problem with ignoring or accepting it is that it is becoming more and more toxic to relationships, and to the humans attempting to find success in relationships. We are social animals and we need relationships. We need healthy relationships, so it is important that we heal this wound; personally (if it is a wound we carry as an individual) and collectively.
To me this archetypal relationship dynamic demonstrates a deep societal dysfunction, and a heaping dose of wounded-ness within us and amongst us. I believe the socialization process: which in this discussion includes a) how we are enculturated as both males and females (as well as the entire continuum of gender identification that exists among us), and b) the wounds we carry with us; has more to do with how we relate to each other and ourselves than any biological, physiological, or anatomical differences between us.
I use the term archetype to indicate a commonly held model of behavior in society. In reading this article it will be helpful to understand that all archetypes can be manifested by all people. So, for the sake of this discussion, just because the archetype we are looking at is ‘male aggressor’ that does not mean that a woman or a trans-gendered woman or man (this is not an exhaustive list) cannot adopt and play out the archetype ‘male aggressor.’ I have chosen to stick with the archetypes ‘male aggressor/ female victim’ because those archetypes are the most entrenched in our society and therefore are useful examples of this particular dynamic. I also choose to use the archetype in its original form because it lends itself well to discussing how we work with the feminine and masculine energies within us. In making this choice, it is also important that the reader understand that these archetypes can be adopted by anyone and the dysfunctional dynamic that comes as a result is the same regardless of who is taking which role.
I will approach this topic from the perspective of energy medicine and the energetic body. This gives me an effective way to focus the discussion, as it is enormous and complex. From the energetic perspective, the archetypes victim and aggressor, can be seen as two sides of the same coin. That is to say that the energetic imprint (or vibration) is the same in both instances. They are two manifestations of the same archetype, so to speak. The differentiating factor is that one manifests the feminine aspects of the archetype and one manifests the masculine aspects. We could just as easily say that one is the receptive manifestation of the vibrational imprint and the other is the active manifestation. All things are a balance of feminine and masculine (receptive and active). This is why we can see these societal archetypes present in any kind of relationship, and between two people of any gender. This is an energetic problem. It emerges from the foundations of who we are and how we interact with each other on an energetic level.
This brings me to the origins of the dysfunctional archetype and how we come to adopt/ adapt it in our own behavior and experiences. We start with the larger patriarchal system that hands these archetypes (or models) down to us. This is done through establishing beliefs and behaviors as the norm, as the acceptable way to think or behave. Think of the expressions: “boys will be boys,” “she got what she dressed for” and “he’s such a pussy.” These are examples of victim/ aggressor archetypal beliefs we hold as a collective (even if we don’t personally subscribe to them). This is a gross and necessary simplification of the socialization process.
The other aspect of the perpetuation of this archetypal dysfunction, and our socialization, is how we individually carry it and pass it on. As I get a clearer picture of this particular archetypal manifestation, I have started to observe it from the perspective of how our individual and collective wounds affect our behaviors, as well as how they interact with the enculturation process. It gets a little convoluted here because the trauma we experience in life is part of the enculturation process, and it also affects how we receive/integrate or reject the process of enculturation. Do we accept the archetypal dysfunction that is being handed down to us or do we reject it?
Many individuals have been taught (socialized) to believe that we are either victim or aggressor. This is one of the ways in which this particular energetic imprint becomes internalized. Many of us have been victimized in childhood: through emotional, physical or sexual abuse, or through neglect and abandonment. These experiences also teach us that we are either victim or perpetrator. We often witness, or experience personally, that females are more likely to fall victim to males. Or we observe/ experience that children are more likely to be victimized by adults. This teaches us about hierarchy and dominance. We start to form beliefs about humans that tell us the world is made up of victims and aggressors. We start to believe that if we aren’t one we have to be the other. In this way we spread, either through the generations (via our children), or in our intimate relationships, the dysfunction of how we experienced intimacy with our parents, our caregivers, and our society (i.e. we hand down the wounds that came as a result of our individual enculturation process). The neglect, abuse, abandonment or enmeshment that we experienced in childhood plays out in our relationships in adulthood, and the archetypes society hands down to us, give us the basic models for our behavior.
Analyzing the energetic root of this phenomenon will hopefully help us come to an understanding that reversing the power structure does nothing to heal our wounds or mend society. That is to say, that once the ‘victim’ is finally able to wield a measure of power and use that power over someone else, this does not heal the original wound. It only creates more wounds. For the victim, who has now become the perpetrator (aggressor), and for the person they are in turn victimizing. With this approach we continue to add layers of wounding, we add layers of dysfunction to the enculturation process, and we reinforce the original archetypes; individual after individual, generation after generation. The role reversal that is happening, and that I have been observing for the last year, is an example of how someone goes from manifesting the vibration in its receptive/feminine form (as victim) to manifesting it in its active/masculine form (as aggressor/ perpetrator), or vice versa. It does nothing to actually transmute and clear the vibration (archetypal dysfunction) we carry within us, or to re-pattern our behavior.
The men I have been observing are men who seem to have chosen not to be the stereo typical male. They are kind and gentle, they try to take responsibility for their part in a situation, and they care for people. In other words, they are manifesting more feminine energy in this regard. What I want to explore, is the idea that they have stepped into the victim role (expressing the more feminine dysfunctional energy of the archetype), possibly as a result of not wanting to step into the perpetrator role (expressing the more masculine energy dysfunction), or possibly because they were always in the victim role and haven’t figure out how to heal that. On the other side of the discussion are the women who would now appear to be perpetrators (expressing the masculine side of the dysfunction). In all likelihood they were victimized as children (just as most male perpetrators were), and have chosen to be the aggressor as their way to escape continuing to be the victim. (Note that when I say chosen, it is likely a completely subconscious process.)
So, we can’t heal this wound (individually or collectively) by simply manifesting the other side of the archetypal coin. For example: When a woman who has been victimized in her life chooses (subconsciously) to be an aggressor toward her children or her partner/ ex-partner she is then manifesting the other side of the coin. She is behaving according to the exact energy imprint that allowed her to be a victim. No actual healing has occurred. She is simply manifesting the dysfunction from the other side. The same is true from the aggressor perspective. If a male has been taught through his life experiences to be an aggressor, but chooses to not manifest that in his behavior, he will likely manifest the energy of the archetype from the victim side of the coin, which makes him vulnerable to being victimized by others. This is because in both cases the individual still carries the original dysfunctional energetic imprint. Reversing roles will only add to the entrenched nature of this societal issue, it will never heal it.
The way this looks on the individual level, is that many people who have been victimized in their life seem to feel (or at least they behave in a way that would indicate they feel) they only have two choices in their own behavior when relating to the people with whom they have an intimate relationship. The two options that are available are to be a victim or to be an aggressor. It doesn’t appear that we know, as individuals or as a collective, that there are other options. The societal archetypes that were handed down to us, and the wounds we still carry in are cells, are very powerful. They have a way of making us believe they are the only options available to us.
Yet we don’t have to continue to be a victim, and we also don’t have to victimize others in order to achieve peace and safety in our lives. Why is it so difficult for us to see that we have more options available to us? Well, because we haven’t healed that energetic imprint within us, as individuals or as a society. This is a collective, patriarchal, systemically perpetuated, oh so very old paradigm, and until we heal and transmute (read eradicate) the energetic imprint we will continue to perpetuate this archetype in our relationships.
On the other hand, releasing the energetic imprint (vibration) allows us to release the old pattern, and discover new ones. Once we clear the energetic dysfunction (or false belief) we are then open to new options. The color pallet we are working with instantly expands. It’s a bit like going from tunnel vision to a panoramic view of your personal story. What does that mean? It means that we, as individuals and as a society, have to take our emotional and energetic healing journey to heart. We have to see it as just as important as feeding ourselves nourishing food and drinking clean water. To heal physically and psychologically in not enough, we have to heal the energetic dysfunction as well. Find someone who can help you clear, dissolve and transmute the dysfunctional archetypal imprint from your physical and energetic being. You deserve to enjoy healthy and fulfilling relationships. We all do.
I want to briefly note the importance of the “Me too” movement and the momentum that women are experiencing in social change and empowerment. This is a critical piece of the healing puzzle. It is also critically important that we not simply instill the feminine mirror image of the current patriarchal social structures. We must all take part in building an entirely new system. That is the beauty of the feminine Divine: It is inclusive, restorative, and collaborative, and it seeks wholeness and love. We must take all of society into this healing with us. We must help the men and the wounded male energy as well as the women and wounded female energy, and bring it all into our healing circle.
Hello Dearest Ones,
I've been wanting to get a love note out to you for the last few days. First I needed to find my way free of one of the waves of intense energy that seem to be hitting us all in the last few weeks. I find it preferable to have a clear head and an open heart when writing love notes (or anything, for that matter).
The collective and cosmic energies are quite intense and fiery as of late. The astrologers will tell you it has a lot to do with the movements of Mars, Saturn and Mercury. I have no doubt this is true, however, what I most pick up on and tune into is the collective energies that my etheric body feels. Those of you who are sensitive to ambient energies and human emotions are likely experiencing a pretty intense case of nervous system overload, intermingled with bright burst of creativity and enthusiasm for life.
What this is likely to look and feel like for many of us is: difficulty getting to sleep and/or staying asleep (there is some anxiety mixed in here for many of you), an erratic appetite that swings from huge to absent, high and productive energy for a day or two followed by complete exhaustion and low mood for a day or two, illness and body aches, difficult communication, and lots of old or obsolete patterns, fears and conflicts surfacing.
I awoke with this thought this morning. It seems pertinent to the topic at hand: We often participate in self-indulgence and self-neglect, but rarely do we practice self-respect.
Self care is critical right now. When your body asks for rest, rest. When your body requires movement, move. Hydrate even more diligently than you usually do. It is especially helpful to eat foods that have a high water content like cucumbers, bell peppers, oranges, grapefruits, and melons. Also, grounding foods like protein and good fats are helpful.
Finding a quiet moment each day or even a couple of times a day can really make a difference. If you aren't into meditation just take the time to focus on your breath a couple of times a day. Sit on the earth or place your feet on the earth first, then try to continuously fill your lungs for 4 seconds and continuously empty them for 4 seconds. Do this for 5-10 breaths. If you can extend the breath out to 6 or 7 seconds, even better. If you like to meditate or have been thinking about starting a meditation practice, now is a great time to do so. Even 3-5 minutes of meditation can make a huge positive impact on your nervous system. If your mind refuses to get quiet just sit still with the breath and observe how busy your mind is. It's important to observe without judgment.
The biggest thing that is causing these intense waves is the resurfacing of old/ obsolete patterns, fears and conflicts. To allow these patterns to surface and gain wisdom from them requires a big dose of self-compassion. If you aren't very adept at self-compassion, it helps to look at things as if they were being experienced by someone you love. Respond to your own struggles in the way you would respond to your son, sister, or friend. Also, in healing there is a concept we talk about called spiraling. In spiraling, when we come around yet again to an old and tired theme in our lives, we tend to get frustrated and wonder why we haven't been able to move on from this particular thing. It is helpful to recognize that we are always coming around to a deeper level or layer of the issue. Progress is inherent in the process, and acknowledging the progress has an additive quality to the healing you are doing. So, recognize and acknowledge that the tenor of this particular struggle is slightly different this time around. Notice that you are able to be more objective about it. Notice that your heart doesn't shut down quite as tightly. Notice that you no longer carry a hard lump in your throat when you address whatever it is that is presenting itself to you. The discomfort we feel comes from resisting and trying to ignore what is being shown to us and asking for resolution. You don't have to do anything with it. Just see, feel or hear what is surfacing for you and take a compassionate look at it. Cry if you need to cry, scream if you need to scream, talk to someone about it if you know that would help. Acknowledge it, and then invite all of the energy you carry about it to leave you. Ask for it to be lifted off of you. God/ Goddess will happily do that for you. Repeat this process as much as necessary, until you notice that you feel lighter and like you have moved forward emotionally.
The good news is that we only have a couple more weeks of this to move through. Take advantage of what it is trying to teach you. There is great wisdom to be gained in actively participating in the process.
I love you all,
You have been on my mind and in my heart lately. I have been attempting to get a communique out to you for several weeks. To no avail. Until now. Of course, timing is always divine if we allow it to be so. Each time my efforts were foiled I simply stepped back and respected the probability that the time was not quite ripe. In the time of ripening that I have allowed, my thoughts and perceptions have shifted and evolved. Hopefully making for a clearer and more resonant message for you.
Since the end of December there have been some very dramatic shifts in energy. The most notable of which, is feeling like we have a bit more get up and go. There is ample potent and vibrant life force energy (prana) flowing around for us to tap into at this time. This is always the case, however it is simply more palpable and more accessible to most of us now than it has been for a while. If you have been feeling this vital energy for some time now, it likely felt "off limits" to you. Or you felt uncertain how to channel it, and it was hard to discern which aspect of your life and being was asking for that particular infusion of energy. Now that our confusion is clearing, it is an ideal time to start mindfully engaging with it.
One of the practices I have adopted in the last few weeks has been to ask (the energy, my guides,Spirit), as I wake and before I sleep; how do you want to express yourself through me right now? In which aspect of self/Self are you asking me to grow? Then I let the query flow out into the ethers releasing the need to direct it. I promise, it WILL come back to you. As gentle nudges throughout the days and weeks. It is helpful to note that this "growth" is not so much about maturation and healing, instead it is about expansion. Learning to be a more expanded version of who we already are. For example: If you have been finding and enjoying new (or rediscovering old) forms of self expression; how might you be able to move that out into the world? Think small. We all want to jump to huge, mind blowing, revolutionary action. Smile kindly at that tendency (if you have it) and gently inform it that it is not required at this time. Small actions, small engagement, small involvement can move mountains over time and with consistency. So do something small that feels expansive. If you have been drawing or painting, share your creation with someone. Make a color copy and send it as a love note to someone you think would enjoy it. If you like to write poetry, print a poem out in an attractive font and send it to someone you believe might enjoy or benefit from that particular message. If you love to cook, the next time you make something yummy, share it with someone you know likes that kind of food, or share it with someone who could use some food in their belly. If you have been walking in nature and that is really feeding you, allow yourself to do it more frequently. If it would still feed you in the same way, or maybe feed you in a new way, invite a friend or acquaintance along from time to time. Share your treasure with them. Small. Steady. Powerful.
Now, if you can tell that you are being asked for even bigger expansion, please honor that. If you are being asked to expand far beyond your usual territory and comfort zone, take a deep breath, smile, and say "okay, show me the way." If this evokes fear in you, look the fear in the face and ask it where it comes from? What are its origins? Inform it that you will hear it out, however you will not allow it to increase or take over the conversation. Listen compassionately to what it tells you. Then ask your heart to open as far as it possibly can, feel what a full open heart feels like, turn that feeling toward your fear, and discredit it. Remind the fear that you truly will not die from this kind of expansion, but you might feel more alive, and you are willing to take the risk to feel more alive.
As always, if you need help navigating these shifts and loosening fears hold on you, I am available for Skype sessions and in-person sessions in Pueblo, Fort Collins and Boulder.
Joy, love and expansion to you all!
P.S. I have recorded a meditation for you all as a New Moon Solar Eclipse and Chinese New Year offering. It is specifically designed to help you tap into, harness and utilize all of that powerful cosmic energy that is flowing through you. Enjoy!
Photo credit to my fabulous life partner!
Healing is about opening ourselves as a conduit of love and limitlessness
It's about containing fear
First we must create space, as fear is chaotic and loves clutter
2018 is our year of letting go of fear and limitations
It requires some excavating, and maybe a few tears
Eliminating some broken habits
Allowing in a courageous new practice
Of self-regard and nurturing affection
Turning away from self-dereliction
This is not about new year's resolutions
It's more in line with personal restitution
Uncovering the lost piece of art that you are
Giving back to yourself what you have taken away so far
Giving time and energy and creative innovation
Holding yourself in love, a process of reclamation
With deep love and affection,
Sending you deep blessings and yet more bliss(tering awareness) from which to
grow in the New Year! I send these wishes in love. You can choose to receive them
or return them unopened (in love), if they don't speak to you at this time.
Choice, we all have choice.
Fall has arrived...
And with it came lightening, thunder, rain, hail, flooding, and a truly Divine spectacle to behold in the beautiful and magical Chaco Canyon. Mother Earth and Father Sky helping to usher in the next step, turn on our inner lights, and open an important new door or portal. All of the stillness we have been experiencing has come to an end. We can feel the wheels turning and the subtle movement of the workings of the Universe. However, we still may not tangibly see or feel that movement in our own lives. We may still feel like we are fumbling for the light switch or stuck in the Room of Doors (Harry Potter). As we close the door we have just explored and ruled out, the room spins and we are left unable to decipher which doors we have already explored and shut for good and which we need to boldly and courageously open and step through. We feel the need to move, to act, and we still don't have the necessary information to do so. This energy requires us to be slow, observant and thoughtful. In a heartfelt sort of way. Too much reliance on mental interpretation could backfire. We need to approach every day and every situation by settling into our heart center, acknowledging and nurturing our connection to the Divine and each other, and from there listen to our soul's directive about how to proceed. We will be tempted to dive into any action just for the sake of movement. That is our old pattern. We are attempting to establish a new pattern. One based on inviting our essence to have a voice. Opening our hearts to this very important guest that we have been pushing out for years. This part of ourselves that we alienated (maybe even still marginalize) in order to better fit inside the box. The fact that we haven't ever fully fit inside the box is not the tragedy. The real tragedy is that we outlawed the truly brilliant and capable parts of ourselves in the process. We must invite that part of ourselves home. Open the door and let it enter. Let it fill us until we are bursting with the awareness of our own presence. Every moment, at every turn in the road, find your center and choose the next door based on your own personal heart wisdom.
With love, gratitude and blessings,
Hello Dear Ones!
You are likely still feeling a lot of emotional and psychic tension and confusion. We have moved through some very demanding astrology which has required us to dig deep into our inner beings and our hearts to better understand ourselves, our circumstances, and those around us. We will be feeling tempted to jump into action, to re-design our plan and rework our ideas about how to move forward. Most of us are not yet equipped with all of the essential tools and information to create big action. For the moment. Know that the moment of action is approaching and soothe your agitation by reminding yourself that everything turns out healthier, more refined and complete, if we allow it adequate time for gestation. It is tempting to want to force forward/ upward movement right now. Remember that what sometimes appears to be stagnation is in fact elucidation and refinement. We often have to surrender to the stillness and absence of noise and distraction before we can truly see a clear and concise path forward. Allow for regular moments of contemplation and curiosity. Resist the urge to push, force and orchestrate. And when the inevitable voice of self-recrimination surfaces, remind yourself that no true progress happens without conscientious moments (I am aware that these sometimes feel unending) of quiet reflection and a willingness to allow things to emerge and unfold in a gentler more feminine manner. The more you approve of, consent to, and embrace your awakening, the more fruitful the awareness of your deeper essence can be. The more easily you recognize and integrate who you truly are into how you participate in your personal human experience, the more you understand the true meaning of surrender. We are all making huge evolutionary strides as of late, and will be for a good while to come. Surrender to these changes is the most effective and least distressing way to move forward. Be gentle with yourself. It is very human to resist. When you meet resistance simply notice how painful it is and ask for the grace to be willing to release that resistance. Ask for the willingness to give up the struggle.
Develop a daily practice of self-love and self acceptance. Know that you truly are exactly where you are meant to be. This is always true. Even when we feel lost, off track and utterly bewildered.
Sending you all love and blessings from here through the autumnal equinox.
P.S. Notice the shadows on these shadows during the solar eclipse. We are mucking through deep and ancient layers of the self and the collective. This requires a gentle, receptive and cooperative approach. Allow the Divine Feminine to guide you now.
Hello Dear Ones!
As we step into August we just might be feeling the burn. All of the old detritus burning away. We are at the center of the fire and are certainly feeling the heat. The beauty of it is that it is a deeply cleansing and healing flame that envelops us. Think of the Phoenix that must burst into flames and become ash before returning to life in a new, brighter, wiser, and more evolved form.
Be very gentle with yourself as you navigate the powerful eclipse energy this month. Give yourself permission to slough off ALL conventions and societal norms that no longer fit (or never did fit) you. You are the only one who can know how you most beautifully show up in this human form. Give yourself permission to wear your soul on your sleeve, on your chest, in your voice or in your dancing feet. Wherever it most wants to show itself. Show us your unique ability to dance, sing, nurture, cook and garden humanity into a more loving era. However you are inspired to express your vitality, allow yourself to do it with reckless abandon and NO apologies. Be the love that we all so desperately want and need!
Much of the heaviness you are feeling is not yours. Really! You are not responsible for anyone else's experiences. We all have our individual journey and lessons. Be careful not to fall into the trap of trying to coax others into learning their lessons. You might be able to see it clearly for them, but they are the only one who can advance their evolution. Clear the energies that you are carrying that are not your own. Simply close your eyes, take a deep breath, and state that you let go of all heaviness and emotions that are not your own. Once you have done that, take another breath and offer compassion and grace to those for whom you release responsibility. In the words of Abraham Hicks, "You cannot use your strength to shore up other's weaknesses." We do other's a disservice by seeing them as incapable of caring for themselves or too weak to make the changes they need to make.
Tolerance, compassion, and a hearty dose of self-care are what is called for at the moment. Step out into the world with self love and see how profound the impact is.
With deep love and respect,
P.S. An example of throwing off societal conventions.
There is a dense martyr energy that dwells here. We are experiencing an intensifying commitment to bodhisattva. And it is true, we must choose to be a part of the collective ascension -of the collective healing. Martyrdom, however, is not required. We can find the joyful way of the light worker. We can live from a place of compassion without experiencing "compassion fatigue." We can live in perpetual compassion, and this can only happen if we include ourselves in that spotlight of compassion. If we are always shining the light on others and never turning it upon ourselves we silently and slowly burn out. But literally. Light needs light. It needs light to be coming and going, from us and into us. If it is only ever flowing away from us we aren't being fed by it. We all need to be fed. Not just our bellies, but our hearts and our souls. If you are unable to feed yourself right now, if you aren't able to shine your own light back on yourself, find another light worker who can. Allow yourself to be the recipient of a healing, a blessing, a compassionate conversation with a dear friend. Recharge your light. An incomplete circuit, one that only flows in one direction, is incapable of supplying infinite energy. A full circuit is required for continual renewal.
If you are experiencing a re-run or a recurrence of old or recently resolved issues (health, heart, soul) take heart, this is just a final run through so that you can clean up anything that still needs attention and resolutions. We cannot take those things with us where we are going. We are no longer a vibrational match for them.
With Immense Love and Compassion,
P.S. I have included a YouTube video meditation to help you complete the circuit and actively recruit your spiritual support.
Greetings from Colorado, where we had been experiencing some unseasonably warm and dry weather and now are experiencing what might be considered an excess of moisture. We are well trained in Colorado to never complain about moisture. Even if it comes in the form of floods! The weather extremes we are experiencing make me concerned for our Mother Earth, although I also acknowledge that these are our own polarizing human tendencies showing themselves in the environment. She (Gaia) and all of you beautiful humans have been on my mind and in my heart lately. The astounding racist, bigoted and misogynistic political current that is playing out in this country makes me wonder: How do we heal all of the feminine wounds of this world (and masculine wounds for that matter), so that we can move forward to a more peaceful, humane and cohesive future? I know for me it begins with healing our own personal wounds and our family wounds. If we approach our neighbors with a whole and peaceful heart instead of a wounded heart we have a much better chance of bringing love and compassion into that exchange. Sometimes, as we are witnessing with the US presidency, we have to confront and face our shadows so that we can truly heal them. We as a collective have to acknowledge that these deep seeded beliefs still exist in this country, even though we understand that it isn't that large of a current.
I share with you a POEM and a PHOTOGRAPH that both have been an important part of my healing journey. They speak to our resilience and perseverance. There is tension and anger in the words and the poem, however it is with allowing myself to feel these shadow emotions that I have been able to truly move beyond them. The shadow emotions can't just be swept under the rug. We must pick them up, take a good look to see that we truly understand their purpose in our lives, collected them all, and then diligently throw them into the trash bin. Or better yet the recycling bin! To be transmuted and brought into higher vibration by the cosmic bad asses that are in this transition with us. That are here to inform our actions and cheer us on when we are heading slightly more toward evolution and ascension, and slightly less toward devolution.
Wind, Salt and Stone
As of late I have again been thinking about the idea of flow. In my last blog I wrote about what flow looks and feels like when there is a lot of movement and momentum in life. I talked about how it feels to flow when things are FLOWING. Now I turn my curiosity to the idea of flow when what you are experiencing in your life feels more like stagnation, obstruction, or churning. How do we access FLOW and still tune into the energy of flowing with Divine presence when what we are experiencing in the material world is complete stillness? Or, possibly even more challenging for many of us; when we are facing downright obstruction, or the endless spinning and agitation of being stuck in a whirlpool. What does flow look like from the middle of the eddy pool or from the riverbank when you have just butted up against a huge boulder and you can’t find a way around it? What are your options when there is no viable way of creating productive forward movement? What do we learn in the stillness of just waiting it out until there is enough momentum for the whirlpool to spit us out, or for the water level to rise sufficiently for us to finally flow over the obstruction? How do we continue to energetically flow when we are faced with the inertia of stillness, or when confronted by agitation and non-linear movement? What does that feel like?
Understanding how to flow in stillness likely begins with acknowledging that we have a collective societal dislike of stillness. And an equal dislike of agitation. We don’t voluntarily practice stillness or agitation (movement without a direction) as much as we practice action (movement with a purpose). In fact, most of us try to avoid them all together. Both stillness and churning are interpreted as the absence of order in our lives. We experience them as an undesired lack of control. So our knee jerk reaction is to try to change the situation. We work hard to get unstuck and to get moving again. When confronted with stagnation or agitation we inevitably respond with effort; even when it feels like single handedly pushing a two ton boulder up a steep hill. We would rather work ourselves into a state of complete exhaustion than to be still, or to sit patiently in an agitated state. It is completely counter intuitive for most of us to relax and allow ourselves to simply experience the churning with the faith that eventually we will be dumped out exactly where we need to be. We haven’t yet learned to sit in stillness with the knowledge and trust that there is invisible work being done (both by us and on our behalf) that truly is moving us forward in our trajectory. Invariably we react to both stillness and churning with effort. Some sort of effort to help us gain, at the very least, the illusion of forward momentum.
Maybe that’s the whole point. When we are in a moment of stillness or in a period of being stuck in the vortex, we aren't dealing with the kind of energy that can be moved or transmuted with effort. In this instance effort just batters and bruises us as we thrash about and bump up against the obstacle. Or it exhausts us. We can swim and swim and swim without ever arriving at an end point, without ever breaking free of the whirlpool, because that end point simply doesn’t exist yet. That particular door has not yet been opened. So what would happen if we rolled over and floated on our back until we were finally, effortlessly caught up by the tide and slowly moved by it? Either way, whether we resist or peacefully submit to the experience, the timing is not ours. The timing is always Divine. We will only arrive at a destination when it is time for us to arrive at that destination. We will only discover the fork in the road when we are actually prepared to choose a direction.
That's what the experience of stillness and agitation offer, they offer a pause, a moment in space and time to prepare for what is to come. Our efforts have no effect on the length of the journey. Effort will not get you there faster. Effort only affects the condition in which you arrive at the next stage. You can arrive well rested and well-nourished (because you figured out how to flow) or you can arrive battered, bruised and exhausted (the result of resistance). What flowing in stillness calls for, what the endless churning truly calls for; is SURRENDER. They call for sitting and submitting, and serenely witnessing your life as it readies you for the next step or next series of steps that you will need to take.
I encourage you to play with the idea of surrender. Become curious about it. Surrender to the stillness. Surrender to the chaos and churning if that is what is present in your life. Avoid the temptation to try to get unstuck. Avoid all effort. Just sit and allow the Universe to move you. There is something you are trying to learn from being here, so let yourself be here. Stop trying to get there. Surrender to the here and now, look around, open your eyes and see this moment, and then ask your mind and your heart to accept that you truly are exactly where you are supposed to be. Be here now. Be with those who are in this moment with you. Release the belief that you are stuck. You ARE flowing, right here, in the stillness!
So very much love for you all,
Tawa Ranes has a very curious nature and has always been interested in the nature of consciousness and the workings of the Universe. Since healing has been a big part of her own personal journey, much of her curiosity focuses on the understanding of how and why healing occurs or fails to take place.